It’s not okay to ignore common courtesy and make others uncomfortable.
It’s not okay to be a class A jerk.
It’s not okay to belittle others feelings.
Do we really need to address this again?
In a jury pool I was in a few years ago all but 1 woman, who was never called to be interviewed as a potential juror, stated that they had been stalked at least once, many multiple times. Many of the male jurors had also been stalked, those who hadn’t had at least one family member or partner who had been stalked. The stalker in the case was a woman, I did not get called to serve on the jury.
Posts by Others:
My Privileged World
The Inhuman Response to Rebecca Watson
Dear Richard Dawkins (I’d been thinking about blogging this topic for a while, but this post pushed me over the edge.)
Bullying: Personal, Professional and Workplace by Stephen Abram
Assholes are Killing Your Projects (See it’s not just about sex!)
It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, straight or LGBTQ, when someone doesn’t want to be pursued by you and indicates that the matter should be closed. Pursuing someone aggressively after they’ve turned you down doesn’t show your strength it makes you a creepy stalker and you just shouldn’t go there.
People who gracefully take rejection have my respect, those who are aggressive and are less willing to take no for an answer go in the creapy stalker I don’t ever want to be alone with you category.
Be courteous, don’t make people feel bad is easy to say, here’s some tips:
If you would be ashamed to say something to even one person you respect it is not a good line to use on a new acquaintance, especially if you are trying to hookup with them.
Trying to pressure someone who has said no into going out with you makes you a jerk and a bully.
Groping people is never appropriate. It is not a joke, and it isn’t fun or funny, just say no to groping! Touching people who you haven’t been introduced to is not appropriate unless you are saving them from harm. You can generally catch someone’s attention with your voice just fine.
Just because someone looks young to you doesn’t mean they are. Don’t talk down to anyone and you’ll avoid a lot of conflict. Assume everyone you talk to is a highly intelligent mature adult as smart or smarter than you unless they prove you wrong. No one likes to be talked down to, especially not by a potential romantic partner. Loose the condensation and you’ll have better success.
Do not follow people, do not follow people in your car. Do not follow them in your car and try and get them in your car, especially if you are a stranger. Even if you know the person this is creapy and stalkerish. This is NOT acceptable behavior. The same goes for hounding people via e-mail, social networks, and phone.
Don’t call people names, your friends may have rude names for each other but we don’t know you at all/that well so now is not the time to be calling people something that would have got your mouth washed out with soap 50 years ago. If someone indicates they are not interested in you romantically not calling them names is especially important for not coming off as a total jerk.
Accusing people of lying about their age, marital, or relationship status, or any other fact they use to fend you off is a total turn off, you have now gone from person we are not interested in to person we are seriously thinking of calling security/police on if you don’t go away and stop harassing us. (We are generally telling you the truth, it’s too much effort to lie to a stranger. If we are lying, so what, obviously we are NOT interested in you.)
It is none of your business what we wear, who we hang out with, what our marital status, sexual orientation, or any other personal information about us. Not interested is not interested.
*If you think this advice is a little extreme all of these circumstances have happened to me, generally multiple times. That’s bad enough, but sadly I’d estimate that the majority of the people from any marginalized group have experienced most if not all of these as well.